I had envisioned a massive party, with dozens of friends, music, dancing, drinks and merry making. In fact, 11/11 this year was what i had been awaiting my entire teenage life. It signified independence, in the eyes of society and of the law. I could club. Drink. Drive. Anything, everything.
I would be free.
It always seems amusing, to note the dauntless claims i had made then. So bold, and young. It feels like i have been trying to grow up far too quickly, closing my eyes and wishing for adulthood... then i woke up, and there it was. I guess my wish came true, because now the idea of a typical teenage party makes me sigh, a night long of dancing and drinking just seems so tiring. Maybe i really have aged.
There's something that hasn't, though. My wish.
I have had a little wish since i was seven and i have wished the same wish every single year. Each year, i would close my eyes and wish to find happiness. Every year i would go about doing various things, acquiring objects, befriending people in search of happiness.
And this year, i finally found it.
Maybe discovered would be more apt, for lack of a better word. Because i have had happiness all along, i had the key, but i never actually got around to unlocking the treasure. Happiness is not about everything you don't have, happiness is about what you have. The sentence seems so innocuous, even cliche, but realizing it has made me such a different person.
We all have the happy things in life, and the unhappy things in life. And it's strange, but i realize we often have what seems to be an obsession with focusing on the negative things that we become blind. Heedless to all the good things that are happening to us. They say happiness is a choice. Cliche statements aren't cliche until they have been cited a decent number of times. And i would like to think that we repeat them because we believe that there is some truth there, however slight. Happiness is a choice.
And it is such a pity, that we would choose being bitter over letting go, tears over smiles, being sad over being happy.
I think one of the biggest regrets of life is that people don't know they hold the power of choice. I really wish they did, though. I used to be so bitter, so hateful, judgemental and ironically, afraid of being judged. The world was so dark and bleak, until i realized i had been wearing sun-glasses. And when i took them off the colours were instantly perceptible. The world around me was so bright, so beautiful. It felt lovely.
I used to think that life was incredibly complicated. That i was so used to being sad, i could never be happy again, because i had forgotten how. But really, all i needed was a mirror. Then i saw that i was wearing shades, and removed them.
Anyone could, really.