Sunday, 1 December 2013

Summertime Sadness

Not particularly fanatical about Lana del rey, but she has really special vocals and that's what keeps me listening to her songs. Summertime sadness is almost perfect to describe the way i've been feeling lately. I can't believe it's already December, the christmas lights are beautiful but they feel terribly surreal sometimes, sparkling brightly as i hold these thoughts

Has a year passed  again, just like that? Every year it seems time is getting faster and faster, i can barely keep up. Time is probably history increasing and possibilities decreasing. Which is why i believe that we should always seize the moment. Live, love, laugh.

Yes, one of my odd habits, collecting every snapple bottle cap i come across. At age ten i found the whole fact uncovering concept rather dope, and it's pretty much been the same ever since. Maybe it was the excitement of uncovering some hidden truth or the like, but whatever it was fascinated me.

It's raining again, on this monday morning. Once again, i awake from an awful nightmare. I can't figure the reason behind them, but i've been getting these strange dreams too often lately. It's ridiculous, but they actually affect me, put doubts in my head.

It often feels like whatever i do will remain inherently inadequate, not enough for society and not enough for people. Do you ever feel that way? Then you just get into this little depressed mode and all this negativity just keeps coming at you. But i guess comparison and pride are the obstacles. I learnt that sometimes, it's okay not to be enough, not to be the best. It's okay not to be the smartest, the funniest, or the best looking.

It's okay.

Comparison is a vicious cycle that has no end, but we do it anyway because of pride. We want to be there, at the top. We want others to look at us and go "wow". We want to put ourselves up. As egoistic as it sounds, maybe it's only human nature. I want that too, but i've learnt that sometimes, we won't be. And y'know what? That's actually okay. It's something i wish i had realized earlier. . . so many things might have turned out differently then. I suppose they were necessary though, because if things were any different i wouldn't be typing this now.

My mood mirrors the weather perfectly, the rain falls even as the sun's rays lightly touch my skin. Still, I can't help the wave of sadness that rushes over me, the realization that some things, once lost, can never again be retrieved. 

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